Paddy's Lament: A ballad about the infamous
Thierry Henry handballl incident
By PADRAIC/PADDY SLATER
This following is a ballad I wrote following the controversy embracing the sporting world about the Thierry Henry handball and subsequent goal that knocked Ireland, illegally I might add, out of the 2010 World Cup Finals in South Africa.
This is a story which has even embroiled Irish Taoiseach Brian Cowen and French President Nicolas Sarkosy in a diplomatic stand-off, and has spread well beyond the confines of a merely Irish story.
It seems to have hit a global nerve around people's interest in fair play and cynicism about cheating and politics in professional sports.
PADDY’S LAMENT
(Sung to the tune of ‘Lord Franklin’
but with a punch!)
We were on our way with that ‘one-nil’ lead
Versus France in Paris we would do the deed
When the ref in a bout of insanity
Ignored the handball by Thierry Henry
If he handled it once, sure he handled it twice
But then the French were always good at vice
Adding insult to injury, Squillaci was offside
Not for the first time, Irish rights are denied
Oh how this handball has cost us cher
At the puppet hands of this French tricheur
And then the gall when the deed is done
To pretend he’s sorry to Richard Dunne
But le coq sportif with the biggest brass neck
C’est Monsieur Raymond Domenench
To his team who say replay the game
Replies “Absolument non” to his eternal shame
Now up in Sweden, the ref’s native land
The neutral Swedes said this result can’t stand
Even the French public declared “Sacre bleu!”
82% polled said “Replay le jeu!”
In rugby and tennis they’ve found a way
To make smart use of video replay
But the FIFA suits are still in arrears
With their thick tetes up their fat derrieres
No wonder my 10-year old thinks it pays to cheat
Who can deny that his logic is neat?
‘Daddy, the laws are just for old fools
When it comes to football, cheating rules!”
For years we’ve heard about FIFA’s ‘fair play’
More honoured in the breach than in the observance I’d say
By the FIFA brass in their Versace suits
For true fair play they don’t give two hoots.
Down in South Africa, Mandela they say
Spent his whole life fighting for fair play
Dear Honourable Nelson, may we be so bold
As to suggest to you what Les Francais be told:
“When you come to my house, you play by my rules
We’re not playing host to cheats and fools
Replay the match or restez chez vous
We have no place for cheats in blue”
Even Taoiseach Brian Cowen is in on the act
“Ba mhaith linn replay” with his usual tact
“Suspend Henry, if you’ll agree
We might even vote ‘Oui’ to the Euro Treaty!”
Now global rankings are one of FIFA’s frolics
To rank Ireland 36th is a load of bollix
When it comes to playing with honour not guile
The Boys in Green and White win by a country mile
If FIFA doesn’t sort this, the World Cup’s a joke
Their cries for ‘fair play’ go up in smoke
We can all stay home in less pricey seats
Award the World Cup Lottery to the biggest cheats
And so it comes to the crucial hour
Let’s give FIFA a dose of true ‘Paddy Power’
On the worldwide web, fair play fans make a stand
We’ll get there yet to World Cup land
But we’ve heard enough now, true football fans
Me and the missus are making alternate plans
To purge the nightmare at the hands of Henry
Next summer we’ll make love in the fields of Athenry
(Oh we’ll be handlin’ the balls in the fields of Athenry)
“Low lie The Fields of Athenry…”
– Padraic Slater
November 22, 2009
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